


32. I think I'm in love with you and I'm terrified

by PrincessOfMalec (Treasure7)



Series: Princess writes numbers-prompts [7]
Category: Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Confused Magnus, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Insecure Alec Lightwood, Mentions of Racism, Mentions of homophobia, Pre-Relationship, scared Alec
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-27
Updated: 2016-05-27
Packaged: 2018-07-10 13:13:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6986509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Treasure7/pseuds/PrincessOfMalec
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It really wasn’t fair. Alec had deliberately tried to avoid the warlock for the past couple of weeks, ever since he’d come to terms with his feelings towards the man, but him coming to the institute more often than ever really wasn’t making things easier for him.</p>
<p>OR</p>
<p>The one where Alec tries to avoid Magnus and tell himself that he hates him, and fails spectacularly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	32. I think I'm in love with you and I'm terrified

**Author's Note:**

> Two anons asked for number 32. "I think I'm in love with you and I'm terrified"
> 
> I'm gonna be honest and say that I wrote this at 3 in the morning, so I'm not 100% this is the best thing I've ever written.
> 
> I hope you enjoy it all the same though, and that you have a fantastic Friday!

Alec looked up from where he was helping Max study runes when the distinct sound of a portal opening up in front of the couch they were sitting on was heard. He could barely keep his mouth closed as a very familiar warlock stepped through it, looking even more amazing than usual. It really wasn’t fair. Alec had deliberately tried to avoid the warlock for the past couple of weeks, ever since he’d come to terms with his feelings towards the man, but him coming to the institute more often than ever really wasn’t making things easier for him.

Magnus smiled as he recognized the two brothers.

“Hello, Alexander” he said, looking Alec in the eyes with those gorgeous captivating eyes of his. Alec hated him. “Oh! And hello to you, little shadowhunter” he turned to Max and bent down to get at the younger’s level on the couch and reaching his hand out. “My name is Magnus, and just who might this handsome nephilim be?” he said in that unreasonably perfect voice of his. Alec hated him so much.

Max just stared at the warlock in amazement and Alec nudged him to get him back down to earth. Not that he could blame his little brother, Alec had found himself staring at Magnus more times than he’d like to admit. The warlock just had this… otherworldly presence about him, he was just so… _magical_. It wasn’t fair to expect any sane creature to be in the same room as the man and not get lost in staring at him, it really wasn’t. By the angel, how Alec hated him.

Max finally shook himself out of his trance and reached out to take Magnus’ hand with a smile.

“I’m Max Lightwood. Pleasure to meet you” he said, then seemed to go over what the warlock said and frowned a little. “And I’m not little” he added with a stern nod. Magnus gave a laugh and stood back up.

“My apologies, young mister Lightwood, I didn’t mean to offend” he said with a wink to the younger boy, who blushed furiously. Alec could relate. Especially as Magnus then turned his attention back to the older shadowhunter, giving him a warm smile and looking him in the eyes as he continued:

“I need to get going, I have a meeting, but it was very nice to see you”. Alec wasn’t sure if the _you_  was directed at both him and Max or just him alone, but it made him blush regardless.

*******

“Alec! We’re going over to Magnus’, you coming with?” Izzy called out to him as he passed the institute’s entrance. Alec frowned, he couldn’t remember them getting any new information on Valentine for them to check out with Magnus?

“Is it a case? Did something happen?”, he called back. His sister shook her head with a smile.

“No, we’re just going to watch a couple of movies. Clary isn’t doing so well with the whole no leads-thing and Magnus thought it’d be a good way to get her mind off of things, even just for the night”, she said and Alec was shaking his head before she’d even finished what she was saying.

“No, I’m good. I’m gonna run through some exercises instead”, he answered and pretended not to see Izzy’s eye-roll.

“Magnus will be disappointed that you didn’t show up… again”, Alec was pretty sure he wasn’t supposed to hear the last part since it was whispered, but he couldn’t help but feel the small stab of pain at somehow having hurt the warlock with his absence. It wasn’t like he had a choice though.

For one: He couldn’t be sure that Magnus even felt the same.  
And second: If he _did_  feel the same way, Alec still had the whole homophobic society that was the Shadowhunters to deal with. He was pretty sure that Magnus, who could have pretty much anyone he wanted, would rather be with someone who didn’t come with the amount of baggage that Alec did.

“I’m sure he’ll be fine without me”, he told Izzy before walking off, missing the sad look on his sister’s face.

*******

Magnus was confused. He thought everything had gone smoothly between him and Alec. They’d flirted, well _Magnus_  had flirted but Alec didn’t seem to mind it, they’d had drinks and spent a whole night talking and well… he was pretty sure Alec had started to feel the same things as Magnus was feeling. Then, all of a sudden, the other man had started avoiding him.

Magnus had tried to figure out what he could have done wrong, but there was nothing that he could think of, and whenever he _did_  run into Alec, the shadowhunter would get that adorable blush of his covering his neck and cheeks and he wouldn’t act like he was upset with the warlock or even minded talking to him. Then he’d go right back to avoiding him and declining invitations to a movie-night with their friends. It was very confusing.

Magnus Bane had never been much for sitting around and thinking about a problem he had; Magnus Bane was a man of action. So, in order to rid himself of the confusion he decided he needed to confront the shadowhunter about his weird behavior. In order not to give Alec the chance to avoid meeting him, again, Magnus opted for sending him a fire-message that simply stated that he needed to talk to Alec and for the other man to please meet him at his loft during the evening.

*******

Alec showed up at Magnus’ loft at sundown, taking a deep breath to calm himself before opening the door and walking into the apartment.

“Magnus?” he called out, a part of him hoping that the warlock wouldn’t be home so that he wouldn’t have to talk about whatever it was Magnus wanted to talk about.

“Alexander!” Magnus walked out of his bedroom with the beautiful smile of his and Alec felt like he couldn’t breathe. He needed to get out of there, and fast, he really couldn’t handle being alone in a room with Magnus without wanting to kiss him, it just wasn’t possible.

“Your message said you wanted to talk about something so” Alec gestured with his hands. “Talk”, he finished and tried not to crumble under the look Magnus was giving him. The look that seemed to be looking into his very soul.

“I wanted to ask why you’ve been avoiding me” was the blunt answer and Alec almost choked on his own tongue.

“Wha… What… What do you mean? I haven’t been avoiding you?” he stammered and averted his eyes as Magnus raised his eyebrows in disbelief.

“Really, Alec? Because from where I sit, it seems that whenever you don’t _have_  to be in my general vicinity, you’ll choose not to” the warlock spoke as he walked closer to the shadowhunter. “I would like to know what I did to make you not want to see me?” he asked and Alec wanted to melt into a puddle and die at the hurt tone of his voice.

“Nothing. I just… I can’t, okay? I just can’t, Magnus, you’ll just have to accept that” he said, the nerves making his tone a lot harsher than he meant it to be. He wanted to apologize for it, but he couldn’t. Magnus frowned at his words.

“You can’t what, Alexander? Be around me?” he questioned, and Alec really couldn’t take it anymore. He couldn’t take hearing in the warlock’s voice how much Alec avoiding him and being a general ass was hurting him. He just couldn’t take it anymore, so he snapped. All of his walls crumbled down, and he snapped and raised his voice.

“I… I can’t be around you because… Because I think I’m in love with you and I’m terrified, okay!? I’m terrified that you won’t want me back and I’m terrified that if you _do_  want me which” he gestured between the two of them as if to prove a point “wouldn’t really make any sense at all, then… then you still might not want to be with me because I come with so many problems and you’d have to deal with even _more_  racism than you already do and… and add the homophobic people on top of that and I just can’t. I can’t be around you because I… because I can’t deal with you breaking my heart. I just can’t!” he ranted, unable to stop the words from bellowing out of his mouth.

Magnus was just staring at him for a full 20 seconds and Alec eventually looked down at his shoes in embarrassment. He was just about to excuse himself and leave, never to return ever again - Izzy and Jace could handle any future relations with Magnus, it would be fine - when he felt a hand on his cheek, a thumb wiping away the tears he wasn’t aware he’d been shedding. Looking up, he didn’t even have a chance to say anything before Magnus’ lips was on his own, his kiss demanding and _oh so longed for_. It took Alec a couple of seconds to realize what was happening, but when he did he reached up to cup Magnus’ neck in one of his hands whilst the other circled his waist, pulling him even closer, before answering the kiss with an enthusiasm he hadn’t known he was capable of.

Magnus eventually broke the kiss, unable to contain the wide smile that spread over his face.

“Alexander… Oh Alexander” he began, reaching up to cup Alec’s cheek again, chuckling fondly as Alec unconsciously leaned into his touch. “I’ve been in love with you since the second you offered me your strength to heal Luke. I told you: You’ve unlocked something in me.”

Alec blushed at his words, still not entirely capable of understanding what had just happened.

“But the… the Cla…” he was interrupted by a finger on his lips and couldn’t help but smile at the familiar gesture.

“I’ve dealt with both racism and homophobia for a very long time, Alec. There is nothing they can do or say to me that would make me think you were not worth it, that _we_  are not with a shot, understood?” he said, making sure to look Alec right in the eyes as he spoke. Alec nodded in acknowledgement of his words, his heart doing a little happy dance in his chest. It would be okay, _they_  would be okay. He could have Magnus.

Magnus bright smile was back on his face the second Alec nodded.

“Good! So, I ask again since you obviously didn’t get the memo last time:  
Alexander Lightwood, would you like to go out to dinner with me, as a date, sometime? Preferably right now, because I haven’t eaten yet and I’m actually kind of very hungry” he said with a teasing glint in his eyes and Alec was so ridiculously in love with this man in front of him he couldn’t help but lean down and capture his mouth in another kiss, reveling in the fact that he could do that now.

“Yes” he answered, when they broke for air. “Yes, Magnus Bane, I would love to go to dinner with you, as a date” he said and smiled fondly at the delighted sound Magnus made at that.

“That’s great, because I know this great Ethiopian restaurant I was thinking we could go to!” the warlock chatted as he started walking Alec out of the apartment. The shadowhunter couldn’t help the slightly giddy smile that was etched on his lips as he watched Magnus gesture with his hands while he spoke excitedly about the amazing food they had at the restaurant and how he really hoped Alec didn’t have anything against Ethiopian food.

_Let it be known: Alec Lightwood was crazy about Magnus Bane and he was done denying it._

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you thought in the comment-section and make my day! If you want, you can look me up on tumblr. Maybe even leave your own little prompt?
> 
> You can find me on: PrincessOfMalec


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